 |
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| Stewart Barnes | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Status |
Alive |
| Alias |
|
| Title(s) |
M.D. |
| Family information | |
| Marital |
Lydia Barnes (ex-wife) |
| Children | |
| Parents |
Mother |
| Professional Information | |
| Profession |
Gastroenterologist |
| Workplace |
St. Ambrose Hospital |
| Character information | |
| First appearance | |
| Last appearance | |
| Portrayed By | |
| . | |
Stewart Barnes is a gastroenterologist and the father of the Barnes family.
History[]
Thanksgiving 1999[]
Stewart brought a homeless man, Curtis, to Thanksgiving in 1999. ("Thanks")
Thanksgiving 2004[]
Lydia and Stewart were separated for Thanksgiving 2004, but hadn't yet told the kids, so they pretended to be still married. The kids knew something was up, but they figured that something was wrong with Stewart, since he appeared not to be able to remember things, like where things are located in the kitchen. When he got food on his shirt, Regina suggested he change, but he insisted club soda would take it out. However, a loud pop scared him, causing him to spill wine all over his shirt. Because he no longer had clothes there, he was forced to put on one of Lydia's. He then spilled dip on his pants when Oliver came through the door unexpectedly. Ben then noticed that all of Stewart's things were gone and they figured out that their parents had separated. They thought it would be the last Thanksgiving they all spent together. ("Thanks")
Monty Swallowing His Phone[]
Monty, Stewart and Lydia's dog, swallowed Stewart's new phone, an extremely tiny phone a patient had brought back from Japan. They immediately rushed him to the emergency vet, where they waited while he passed the phone. Once he had passed the phone, they were able to take him home. ("The Truth About Nerds & Dogs")
Apple-Picking Trip[]
After Stewart accidentally called Crystal Lydia, Stewart attempted to make it up to Crystal. He took her on an apple-picking trip after Oliver gave it to him. However, after they got back from the trip, he made the same mistake again. ("The Heartbreak Kid")
Hiding from Crystal[]
When Stewart started to feel smothered after accidentally giving Crystal a key to his apartment, he hid from Crystal. She also believed he was preparing to propose, but he had actually just bought himself a watch. He talked his way out of it and they settled things. ("Key Ingredients")
Janice Meyers' Wedding[]
Stewart, along with the rest of the family was invited to the wedding of Janice Meyers, whom they had known since she was a child. He had to attend the wedding alone as Crystal was out of town, but he brought pictures to show her off. Realizing that he hadn't gotten the couple a gift because Lydia had always handled that during their marriage, Stewart bought a camcorder and recorded happy messages for the couple, including one from her great-grandfather in Italy, whom Janice had never met. However, he wasn't well-versed in how to use the camcorder and accidentally deleted the message. ("The Wedding")
Thanksgiving 2005[]
Despite them being divorced, Ben suggested that Lydia invited Stewart to Thanksgiving, so the five of them could celebrate together as a family. Things went south when Oliver accidentally pushed the turkey out the window. They then ordered Chinese food. The man who delivered it accidentally hit the turkey as he biked to them. As he was leaving, he collapsed. They later figured out it was because his wife had forgotten to pick up his blood pressure medication. They got him stable and had him promise to check in with his regular doctor before sending him on his way. After reminiscing about past Thanksgivings that hadn't gone so well, they ignored the emergency page and sat down to have a nice dinner together. ("Thanks")
Visiting Maria[]
Maria was the Barnes' housekeeper when the kids were little. For her 80th birthday, Lydia baked her a cake and planned to go visit her in the nursing home. However, Lydia decided to go the following morning and guilted the others into joining her. Stewart and Oliver rode in one car while Ben, Lydia, and Regina rode in the other. While they were driving, Ben hit something and the tire went flat. Lydia asked Regina to change it, but then remembered that she'd had the spare tire taken out to make room for the cake. They then all piled into Stewart's classic car, which he was restoring. However, the only thing he'd done so far was the horn, which he demonstrated. However, he hadn't done a very good job because the horn started honking continuously. It also rained the rest of the way, so when they arrived, they were soaked and upset. Lydia had even lost a shoe through the hole in the floor and the cake had been destroyed. Maria was sleeping when they arrived, so they decided to wait a few minutes rather than waking her up. Ben created a scene in Maria's room when he refused to rub her roommate's feet and then pressed her bed alarm by mistake. The ensuing chaos woke Maria. ("Guilt Trip")
Crystal's Poetry Reading[]
After Ben invited Crystal in, Stewart invited all three kids to go to Crystal's poetry reading and then to dinner together. They were all bored out of their minds, but didn't tell Stewart and ended up watching a DVD of her next poetry reading with him. ("Guilt Trip")
Crystal's Follow-Up[]
Six months after having her implants placed, Crystal had to have a follow-up visit with Oliver, which made Stewart jealous. ("Guilt Trip")
Christmas 2005[]
Crystal cooked Christmas dinner for herself, Stewart, Ben, and Oliver. According to Ben and Oliver, she got every recipe off a marshmallow bag.
His all-doctor singing group, The Medtones, also performed at the hospital Christmas party. ("New Year's Eve")
New Year's Eve 2005[]
Stewart brought Crystal to his kids' New Year's Eve party after they mistakenly invited him. He and The Medtones performed first at a nursing home and then came to Ben, Oliver, and Regina's party. When Crystal's father, who was unaware of their relationship, came as Lydia's date, Crystal recruited Ben to pretend to be her boyfriend in order to protect Stewart, as her father had beat up several of her previous boyfriends. Stewart also covered by pretending that Regina was his date, but the truth ultimately came out and Crystal defended her relationship to her father. ("New Year's Eve")
Cabin Trip[]
Lydia and Stewart had a week in a cabin, which they decided to split after the divorce. Lydia took the first half of the week with Ben and Stewart the second with Regina and Oliver. Lydia was planning to be out of the cabin before Stewart and Crystal showed up, but they ended up being snowed in. Lydia was shocked that Stewart and Crystal (along with Oliver and Regina, plus Oliver's girlfriend Trisha, were able to make it up to the cabin. Nevertheless, they tried to make the best of it. When Oliver, Ben, and Stewart found a pregnancy test while the ladies were out, they all panicked and speculated over whose test it might be, each of them hoping they weren't the father. Ultimately, it was discovered that the test belonged to Regina, who was thinking about using a sperm donor to become a mom alone and bought the test in case she might need it. ("Yours, Mine or His?")
Norma's Visit[]
Stewart's old receptionist, Norma, came into town for a visit on her way out of the country. Because she was unaware that Stewart and Lydia were divorced, they pretended to be still married to spare her feelings, figuring since it was only for one day, they could manage. However, when Norma was injured while at their apartment, one day became two and they had to pretend for longer. Despite this, they made it through the time without her figuring it out. Since they lamented not having much time to visit with her, she mentioned that there was no rush on her way back home, so she could stay for longer. Lydia then revealed that they were divorced. ("Model Behavior")
Crystal's Trip[]
When Crystal went away to visit her mother, Stewart decided to paint the bedroom her favorite color as a surprise for her. Because he ended up pretending to be still with Lydia, Crystal overheard some things when she called and believed Stewart was cheating on her. Crystal came to Lydia's to talk to her about it, but found Stewart there and believed he was cheating on her with Lydia. The truth then came out and Crystal apologized and they made up. ("Model Behavior")
Valentine's Day 2006[]
Stewart and Crystal were both excited about Valentine's Day. Stewart was in pain that day, which he claimed happened when he was at the gym, but actually happened during sex. The pain quickly became so bad that he ended up in the ER. He tried to play off his pain as minor, but Regina kept him at the hospital to get scans and treat him. It was just a muscle inflammation, so she gave him muscle relaxants and sent him home, telling him to let Crystal take care of him. He ended up re-injuring his back when, thinking he was all better because of the meds, he tried to strong-arm the broken door in his apartment. ("Hot Water")
Pawning Carmen on Ben[]
When Ben was told that Stewart's housekeeper, Carmen, had an extra day available, he hired her, tired of picking up after Oliver. However, he quickly realized that Carmen was not doing a good job as their housekeeper, often leaving the place messier than when she started. He learned from Lydia that Stewart had been trying to unload Carmen onto her for months, because he was unable to fire her because he hates to be disliked by people. Ben's the same way, so he is also unable to fire her. He tries to work himself up to do it, but he backs out. However, he then discovers that Carmen is having trouble with her vision, which is why she's not cleaning well anymore. He and Stewart say they'll get her all fixed up. ("You Win Some, You Use Some")
Doctor of the Year[]
Stewart was named one of the top gastroenterologists of the year. To celebrate, he had Crystal throw a party. When Jack Arbogast came to his party as Lydia's date, he was jealous, because he'd always believed that if he hadn't met Lydia before Jack and gotten her pregnant, she would have chosen Jack. He confessed this feeling to Regina, who assured him that Lydia always goes for what she wants, so she wanted him. ("Doctor of the Year")
Uncle Ned's Funeral[]
The whole Barnes family attended the funeral of Ned, Lydia's uncle. After the funeral, Lydia and Stewart found out that he had left them something. They imagined it to be something expensive, as he had many nice things, but were shocked to find out it was a bed. The significance was that it was the bed they spent their honeymoon on. When the bed was delivered, they started to reminisce and ended up falling asleep together on the bed fully clothed. They had also been disagreeing over the two funeral plots they had bought together while they were married. After fighting it out, they agreed to keep the plots and be buried together if they die single, so it'd be easier on the kids. ("Restaurant Row")
Cruise with Crystal[]
Stewart planned a trip on a cruise ship for himself and Crystal. To prepare for it (and the very skimpy swim suit Crystal had bought for him, Stewart went on a diet. ("Losing Patients")
IRS Audit[]
Lydia and Stewart were audited for the last year they were married. Their accountant had retired and Regina had convinced them to use her then-girlfriend to do their taxes. Stewart was unable to find the tax returns and ended up avoiding Lydia rather than preparing for the audit. Regina was able to contact Tess, the ex-girlfriend, and get a copy of the return. When Enid Kolodny came to do their audit, everything checked out except that they had claimed Monty as a dependent. Regina dosed the auditor with a medication that knocked her out. When she woke up, she finished the audit quickly and they managed not to get in trouble. ("Losing Patients")
Setting Up Crystal and Lydia[]
In order to ease the tension between Lydia and Crystal when they met up at the hospital, Stewart set it up so they'd be together alone at his apartment for a while. It backfired on him when Crystal and Lydia ended up bonding and Lydia let Crystal in on all the little annoying things that Stewart does, like calling for her to answer the phone when he's right next to it and making her wait on him like his mother. ("If These Floors Could Talk")
Hernia Surgery[]
Stewart won a raffle, earning him a weekend at a very nice beach house. He planned to take Crystal, but while helping catch Ben when he passed out at the hospital after seeing his own blood, aggravated a hernia and had trouble walking. He refused to go to a doctor right away, not wanting to miss out on his weekend. His surgery went well, but he had to be restrained because of an incident. ("Breaking Up Is Hard to Do. And Do. And...")
Relationships[]
Romantic[]
Lydia Barnes[]
Stewart was married to Lydia Barnes for 33 years. Together, they had three children: Oliver, Regina, and Ben.
When their divorce papers were finally ready to sign, they sat in the diner together and signed them quickly and were told it would take effect in three days. At Janice Meyers wedding, they looked at the clock and realized they were officially divorced, so they danced together. ("The Wedding")
He and Lydia had standing reservations at La Cucina for Valentine's Day. ("Hot Water")
They spent their honeymoon in Lydia's Uncle Ned's cabin. ("Restaurant Row")
While they were heading toward divorce, the last straw for Lydia, after which she called a divorce lawyer, was Stewart going on a business trip on her birthday weekend and claiming he sent her flowers which never arrived. When they were later audited, they found the receipt for the flowers attached to another receipt, revealing that Stewart had been telling the truth. ("Losing Patients")
Crystal[]
After his divorce from Lydia, Stewart began dating his receptionist, Crystal, a much younger woman.
They hit a snag in their relationship when Stewart accidentally called Crystal Lydia when saying good night. He took her to Tavern on the Green to make up for it, but ended up in a pickle once again when he called her Lydia after their trip. ("The Heartbreak Kid")
When Stewart started to feel smothered after accidentally giving Crystal a key to his apartment, he hid from Crystal. She also believed he was preparing to propose, but he had actually just bought himself a watch. He talked his way out of it and they settled things. ("Key Ingredients")
Crystal and Stewart fought over several small things, like Crystal talking while Stewart was watching TV and Crystal hating the nickname Crystalkins. When Crystal found out that Stewart was doing employee evaluations, she took a peak at hers and was upset when he filled it out honestly, saying she wasn't punctual. Their disagreement about this led Stewart to fire her in order to save their relationship. She instead went to work for Ben. ("Doctors Without Bidders")
Familial[]
Monty[]
Before Lydia and Stewart divorced, they got a dog, Monty. After the divorce, they continued to share custody of him, trading off weeks. While Lydia often dressed him up in elaborate outfits, Stewart would feed him treats, often more than he should have been eating. His habit of feeding Monty treats led to Monty eating his cell phone, thinking it was a treat. Stewart is the spoiling "parent" to Monty while Lydia is the one he goes to for comfort.
Mother[]
According to Lydia, Stewart's mother totally infantilized him, making him incapable of doing anything for himself. ("If These Floors Could Talk")
Friendships[]
Jack Arbogast[]
When Regina and Oliver were young, Stewart was friends with Jack Arbogast. They were professional rivals as Stewart believed Jack had swooped a job out from underneath him. When Lydia brought Jack as a date to Stewart's part, that made him even more jealous. He later confessed to Regina that he'd always worried that Lydia would have picked Jack if Stewart hadn't met her three months earlier. ("Doctor of the Year")
Professional[]
Norma[]
Norma is Stewart's old receptionist. While she was working for him, she became close to the whole family. She later said that she still carries a picture of Oliver, Ben, and Regina in her wallet and brags about them as if they were her own children. ("Model Behavior")
Carmen[]
Stewart has a housekeeper named Carmen. She used to do a good job, but then she stopped. Because he hates to be disliked, Stewart found himself unable to fire her. Instead, he tried to pawn her off on Lydia and then successfully onto Ben. He later found out that Carmen's vision was declining, which is why she didn't clean as well anymore. ("You Win Some, You Use Some")
Career[]
Stewart is a gastroenterologist.
For his work, he was named one of the top gastroenterologists of the year. ("Doctor of the Year")
Notes and Trivia[]
- He likes to do magic tricks.
- His ringtone for Crystal is Isn't It Romantic. ("The Truth About Nerds & Dogs")
- His ringtone for Lydia is the Wicked Witch's them from The Wizard of Oz. ("The Truth About Nerds & Dogs")
- He has a habit of telling bad, often racist jokes. ("The Wedding")
- Every Thanksgiving, he makes bad turkey jokes. ("Thanks")
- He's a member of an all-doctor singing group, The Medtones. ("New Year's Eve")
- He calls milkshakes malteds. ("Hot Water")
- He's still mad at the Dodgers for leaving Brooklyn. ("Hot Water")
- He took his family to Lake George every year for ten years. ("If These Floors Could Talk")
- He still has his wisdom teeth. ("Breaking Up Is Hard to Do. And Do. And...")
