If These Floors Could Talk
Season 1, episode 20
Stewart plots to get Lydia and Crystal alone together
Episode Information


Written by
Directed by

Sheldon Epps

Episode Guide

Doctors Without Bidders


The Lady Doth Protest Too Much


If These Floors Could Talk is the twentieth episode of Out of Practice.


Regina comes into the diner where Ben and Oliver are eating and flips their stuff onto the floor so she can sit down. She's worked her third double shift in one week. She hasn't slept in two days. Oliver got them tickets to the Knicks game. He covered for another doctor, so they were a gift from him. Regina asks if he's also working doubles, but he actually just told the doctor's wife he went to Vegas with him. Lydia comes in and says hi to all of them. She's happy because she finally got plans approved to renovate her kitchen, despite the objections of her neighbor. That neighbor has been a thorn in her side for years, thanks to a certain light-fingered 10 year old. Regina maintains that she didn't steal the snow globe. Regina leaves to she can go sleep, snapping at a man on her way out. Lydia's phone rings and she steps away to answer it. Once they're both gone, Ben reminds Oliver that they are the ones who stole the snow globe. Ben feels guilty about it. Lydia comes back to the table. She hopes Stewart won't be late to transfer Monty. She has a big night. She has tile samples to go through for her kitchen remodel. Ben asks when the last time she went on a date was. She says she went on a date with Michael Devlin three weeks ago. She doesn't know what happened there. Oliver says he's waiting on her and she should call him. After it's implied that she's focusing on the kitchen remodel to cope with the emptiness, she agrees to call him.

Stewart brings Monty into Ben and Oliver's Apartment. Lydia's upstairs waiting to pick Monty up. He has a plan involving leaving Crystal and Lydia alone together.

Crystal gets the door and sees Lydia there. Crystal tells Lydia that Monty's on a walk with Stewart. Crystal invites Lydia in and she agrees with some reluctance. Crystal offers Lydia something to drink, but she just had some water. They awkwardly fumble around each other. Crystal goes back to folding laundry, but struggles with a sheet, so Lydia offers to help. She's doing Stewart's laundry. She ruins his clothes if she doesn't like them. Lydia tells her to be careful with that because she once did it and he still wore the shirt. Crystal asks Lydia about her marriage to Stewart. When Lydia says that's the kind of story you tell after a few glasses of wine, Crystal offers her some.

Crystal and Lydia are drinking and laughing. Lydia gives Crystal some tips on dealing with Stewart. Stewart comes in with Monty and is glad to see them laughing. Lydia thanks Crystal and leaves with Monty. The phone rings and Stewart expects Crystal to answer it, just like she and Lydia talked about.

Ben and Oliver are looking at a magazine and judging real or fake. Lydia comes in and thanks them for their advice. She called Michael and they're having dinner. She's also now planning to redo her whole apartment instead of just the kitchen. Her phone rings and it's Michael. Oliver stops her as she walks to the kitchen and says things move faster these days than they used to. She says she can handle it and enters the kitchen. Ben says it's a disaster. He couldn't throw away the snow globe they took, so he hid it under the floor board in the living room. It'll be found when she redoes the living room. They need to take care of it. Regina comes in, yelling at someone that the next time they press every button on the elevator, she'll snap their fingers. Regina says that as soon as she got home for her nap, the jackhammers started on the water main. Lydia comes out of the kitchen and goes to leave. But she has to find her purse first. Regina was sitting on it. She takes it and leaves. Regina's tired of Lydia believing she took the snow globe, so she offers her brothers total amnesty and asks them if they took it. They deny it. She says that's good because she was lying about the amnesty. she would kill them. She's going to go take a shower and then they can head to the game. She needs to calm down before she rips someone's lungs out. Ben says they'll meet her at the bar because they have to go get something first.

Lydia and Michael have decided to stay in. They're having a good time on their night in. Lydia goes to check on dinner and Michael follows her.

While they're gone, Ben and Oliver sneak in. They're shocked when Lydia comes out of the kitchen. They make excuses as to why they're there. Michael comes out of the kitchen and Lydia introduces them. Lydia ushers them out the door and Ben says they should take a walk outside if the get the chance because it's become a nice evening. Just then, thunder rumbles. Lydia shuts the door on them.

Crystal comes out into the living room and Stewart asks her to get him a beer on her way out. She says she's already out there. She asks if he's just going to leave his shoes on the chair. He says he is, but she puts them away. He asks her if something's wrong. She says everything's fine and goes to finish dinner. The phone rings and he calls for her to answer it again. She asks if his legs are broken. She yells at him and he figures out that she talked about him to Lydia. Crystal storms out in angry.

Michael and Lydia are eating dinner. The doorbell rings. It's Ben and Oliver. They brought her a bottle of wine to apologize for interrupting her evening. They got into the kitchen and Oliver ruins her dinner by dumping a ton of salt in it. Ben mentions a reservation at Chez Marie and suggests that Lydia and Michael take it. They leave quickly. Michael offers to make her French toast instead of them going out. The doorbell rings again. It's Crystal telling her about the fight she had with Stewart. She's worried about what to do next. Lydia says she should take a long walk in the rain. They need to talk it out. She send Crystal to the bathroom to clean herself up. Michael pokes his head out and says it's a good thing she's getting her floors done because the wine Ben and Oliver brought ate right through the finish.

Ben and Oliver break back in. They move the couch, thinking Lydia and Michael are gone. Ben lifts the floorboard and gets the snow globe. They put the couch back just in time for the doorbell to ring. They panic and hide in the coat closet. Lydia answers the door and it's Stewart, who's angry about Lydia meddling. Michael comes out and Stewart starts to disparage Lydia to him. Crystal comes out and she and Stewart fight. Lydia tries to usher them out. She opens the door and Regina's there. She needs to borrow a sweater because while she was waiting at the bar, someone dumped a pitcher of beer on her. Michael sees how many people are there and says he'll have to dip into the raisin bread to make enough French toast. Regina starts to ask why everyone is there, but says she's so tired, she's not even sure they're all actually there. She goes to get the sweater. Stewart apologizes to Crystal. He admits to setting up the interaction between Lydia and Crystal. Regina comes back out, not sure she'll make it to the game because she's been awake for 40 hours. She's still wearing the same clothes, so she says she needs to call Oliver to tell him she can't make it. They hear Oliver's phone in the closet and Lydia opens the door to find the two of them in there with the snow globe. Oliver still tries to blame Regina, but Ben confesses. They need to apologize to Regina, but she has fallen asleep on the couch. Ben and Oliver leave, saying they'll wait until Regina has had more sleep and is thinking more clearly. Crystal and Stewart also leave. Lydia apologizes and says they should just let Regina sleep. He says they still have the reservations, so they go out to eat.

Ben and Oliver are getting back from the game. They come into the apartment and the lights won't turn on. The door closes, but neither of them did it. They hear the snow globe music and know Regina's there. She starts to beat both of them up.


  • Ben Barnes
  • Regina Barnes
  • Oliver Barnes
  • Crystal
  • Stewart Barnes
  • Lydia Barnes
  • Michael Devlin

Main CastEdit

Special Guest StarEdit

Notes and TriviaEdit

  • This episode was produced as the thirteenth episode, but is listed as the twentieth.

See AlsoEdit

A complete overview of this episode's crew can be found here.

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