|The Truth About Nerds & Dogs|
|Season 1, episode 4|
|Monty has swallowed Stewart's phone|
October 10, 2005
The Truth About Nerds & Dogs is the fourth episode of Out of Practice.
Regina runs into the diner, grabs some dishes out of a busboy's tub, and sits down at the table with Ben. Ben says he kicked a piece of toast under the jukebox if she wants that, too. She tells him to give her his fork. Oliver then comes running in and Regina says she got tired of waiting, so she ordered. Oliver figures out that it's not her food because there's lipstick on the cup and she's "not that kind of lesbian." He says she only won because he got a cramp. She says not to run when it's his time of the month. He says double or nothing for the lower pulse. They have Ben take their pulses and insult each other as he does. Ben pulls his hands away and says they make everything a competition and they're both sweaty. He starts to talks about the psychology of what they're doing. Regina says if he keeps going on like that, she'll have to drink the coffee and there's gum in it. Oliver then sees a paper bag on the table and starts to make up psychology about it. Ben grabs it and Regina peeks inside. It's a comic book. They thought Naomi had cured him of that habit, but since she's gone, he has more free time. Oliver says women see that and it's like that stuff that repels Superman. Ben tells him it's Kryptonite and Oliver says he flunked the nerd test. They continue to tell him it's bad for his dating life. He says before they call him a nerd, they should remember who spent Friday nights at home, learning all 33 bones in the human hand. Regina corrects that there are actually 27. Oliver says there are 26. They argue over who is right as Ben leaves.
Oliver sees Lydia sitting in the lobby with Monty. It's Stewart's week with him, so she's waiting for Stewart to come do the transfer. Last time they did it at the apartment, Crystal answered the door wearing a short kimono. Oliver asks what's up with Monty's sweater and Lydia says not to make fun of him as he's been down in the dumps lately. She doesn't know what's wrong. Oliver thinks it's because of the clothes. Lydia grabs a toy and starts to try to cheer Monty up. Stewart comes downstairs and Monty happily runs to him. She asks if Monty's always been this peppy with him. Stewart says yes and asks what they're doing there. She reminds him that it's his week with Monty, which he forgot. He has his high school reunion. One of his classmates is sick and it might be his last chance to see him. Lydia says he hates that classmate and just wants to show of Crystal. He says what would it hurt if she put a smile on the face of a sick, middle-aged man, to which Lydia replies that she already has. He's take offense, but he's too busy smiling. Lydia takes Monty and says they'll go to the dog park, so he can show all his friends his new, plastic playtoy, just like Daddy.
Oliver says goodbye to Stewart and tells him to have a good time at his reunion. When prompted, Stewart admits that his classmate isn't really sick, but he will be. Oliver rings Ben's doorbell. Ben peeks out and says he thought Oliver had a date. Oliver asks if Ben's going to let him in. He thinks Ben has a girl in there, but it's actually Ted, his nerdy friend. Arthur is also there. They've been friends since high school and they're all single at the same time, so they're having a Lord of the Rings movie marathon. Oliver asks if Ben really wants to spend his night watching a movie with pixies and midgets. Ted and Arthur correct that Lord of the Rings doesn't have pixies. Ben and Oliver fight over Ben's plans and Oliver goes back to the bedroom after seeing Ted and Arthur take shots at a scene in the movie.
Oliver hangs up his phone and tells his dad he never gets tired of it. It has so many features. A phone rings and Stewart says it's his, pulling out an even smaller phone. A patient brought it back from Japan and it's the smallest phone made. Oliver says he hates his stupid phone. Stewart talks on his phone, but he has to move it between his ear and mouth to talk. Regina comes in and sits down. Oliver tells her about Ted and Arthur. But he has the solution, a patient of his. He shows Regina a picture and she says it's not his type at all, but Oliver sees that it's the before picture. Regina doesn't think Ben will fall for her. Regina has an idea of a nurse at the hospital. Oliver tries to bet over whose girl Ben will fall for, but Regina won't take the bait. After Oliver leaves, she calls the hospital and talks to Amy about coming to meet Ben.
Lydia comes in with Monty and Susy tells her they don't allow dogs. Lydia brushes her off and tells her to pretend she's blind. She sits down just as Stewart finishes his phone call difficultly. She figured out why Monty loves him more. He's been feeding Monty treats and he's gained six pounds. Stewart's even feeding Monty while they sit there. Stewart's phone starts to ring and they figure out that Monty swallowed it. Stewart says he'll call the vet and the corrects that Lydia will do it.
Lydia and Stewart get into a cab and Lydia instructs the cabbie to take them to the animal hospital. He points out that Monty is ringing. Lydia blames Stewart, but Stewart says dogs like to eat. It's one of the two hobbies they enjoy and she had the other one removed. They continue to fight over him over-feeding the dog and her dressing him up in costumes. He says she is controlling and she denies it, but then reminds the cabbie she told him to take the Park. Monty starts to ring again and Stewart says it's Crystal. He knows because she has a special ringtone. She wonders what hers is. He won't answer, so she calls and it's the Wicked Witch theme from The Wizard of Oz.
Oliver tells his date, , that he's just going to grab his wallet and they'll go. She suggests that they go back to her places for dessert after dinner. He clarifies that she's talking about sex. He enters the apartment to find Ben on the couch, talking to Amy. Oliver introduces Jasmine and Ben introduces Amy. Amy and Jasmine start talking as Oliver tells Ben how relieved he is that Ben dumped the nerds, even testing to make sure Amy's not a nerd. Ben says he and Regina were going to the movies and she brought Amy along. Oliver realizes what Regina has done. Regina comes out of the kitchen and says she's needed in the ER, so they should go to the movies without her. Oliver says he wants Regina to help him look for his wallet and tugs her into the kitchen, where he confronts her about bringing Amy. She says he's losing.
Back in the living room, Oliver spoils the movie for them in an attempt to derail their date. Oliver then strikes up a conversation about masks and Jasmine says she collects them. Oliver points out more similarities between them and fakes a headache. Ben catches on that he wants Ben to go to dinner with Jasmine without him. Ben calls Oliver and Regina into the kitchen and Oliver flirts with Amy before being tugged along.
In the kitchen, they argue about what Oliver and Regina have done. They get increasingly more insulting about the women they've brought until they hear the door open and close twice and surmise that the women have both left. Ben says they're too competitive and Oliver's just broken. Ben goes to leave and they say they just wanted to help. Regina's never had a relationship last more than six months and Oliver measures his with a stopwatch. He's been with Naomi for seven years and wonders how many women they've gone through in that time. He says they need to wait until they've made any kind of commitment to anyone before they come to him. Oliver asks which one he would have picked and Ben just leaves.
Stewart eats a sandwich as he and Lydia wait for Monty at the vet's. Lydia wonders how he can eat. He says he's hungry. This reminds her of when Oliver broke his arm as a kid and they spent the night in the ER. She wonders what kind of parent would let a kid skateboard down a slide just because a bigger, tougher kid did it first. Stewart says Regina made it look so easy. Lydia says the next morning, when Oliver woke up, he wanted to go back to the park with Stewart, the fun one. He was always the fun one, the pushover. That's why the business with Monty upsets her so much. He's the fun one with Monty, too. He got to be the fun one because she did everything else. It's not what he did that made them the wonderful people they are today. It's what she did. He says she could be fun, too, sometimes, like when she let them slide down the hallway in their socks. She says she was just excited they were all home from college at the same time. Dr. Sanchez brings Monty out and says he was able to pass the phone and he'll be just fine. Monty jumps into Lydia's lap and Stewart points out that he loves Mommy. She goes to leave and asks Stewart to bring her purse. He grabs the sandwich out of it and takes a bite before throwing it away.
Ben comes home and Regina and Oliver ask him if he's okay. They want to open a bottle of wine and forget the whole night. Ted and Arthur come in with the Planet of the Apes boxed set. Oliver makes an excuse to leave and Regina goes with him, saying she's not a big SciFi fan. Ted says he might be able to convert her and she says he already did.
Lydia reads a magazine and says he can stare at her all he wants, but he's not getting any sympathy. If it's too tight, it's his fault and he's going on a diet tomorrow. She won't look. She caves and looks over to Monty, who's wearing a bee costume. She admits that it's too much even for her.
- Christopher Gorham as Ben Barnes
- Paula Marshall as Regina Barnes
- Ty Burrell as Oliver Barnes
- Henry Winkler as Stewart Barnes
- Stockard Channing as Lydia Barnes
Notes and TriviaEdit
- This episode takes place before Halloween.
A complete overview of this episode's crew can be found here.
|Out of Practice Episodes|
|#02||"We Wanna Hold Your Hand"||#10||"Guilt Trip"||#18||"Losing Patients"|
|#03||"And I'll Cry If I Want To"||#11||"New Year's Eve"||#19||"Doctors Without Bidders"|
|#04||"The Truth About Nerds & Dogs"||#12||"Yours, Mine or His?"||#20||"If These Floors Could Talk"|
|#05||"Brothers Grim"||#13||"Model Behavior"||#21||"The Lady Doth Protest Too Much"|
|#06||"The Heartbreak Kid"||#14||"Hot Water"||#22||"Breaking Up Is Hard to Do. And Do. And..."|
|#07||"Key Ingredients"||#15||"You Win Some, You Use Some"|
|#08||"The Wedding"||#16||"Doctor of the Year"|
|Out of Practice Episodes|